Don’t feel bad, I think people who eat their boogers are a lot more common than you think

My wife cheated on me, and i’ve cheated on her about 10 times since then (was incredibly faithful before). It’s as if the dam broke. long and convoluted story of why we’re still together that i wont get into it here.

I haven’t worn underpants in 5 years.

Sometimes in public I look at people and think of how much I hate people and wonder what the hell is wrong with everyone.

I have a balloon fetish and have masturbated over friends blowing up/popping them before.

I got out of jail literally the day before I started my Ph.D. program. On Sunday I was talking to people convicted of assault and serious drug charges about their crimes; on Monday I was talking with one of the top researchers in America about my dissertation ideas and walked into a classroom as a Graduate Teaching Assistant. Nobody knows outside of my three closest family members.

i have only ever masturbated to julia roberts.

The scar that i have on my forehead is not due to a fight with a drunk hobo. I was doing the “touching my hat” Michael Jackson move and ripped my skin with my own nail…..

I love my girlfriend in almost every possible way… but I don’t find her that attractive. Still going to ask her to marry me, though. And I can’t wait!

I am afraid that I won’t have any bridesmaids at my wedding due to the difficulty I have maintaining meaningful friendships with other women.