I fixed the high school prom queen elections in 1986. No one, including the real winner and the girl who got the crown, knows this.

While dating a girl, I had sex with her, my ex-girlfriend and 2 other random women from a bar in one day. I would like to blame it on alcohol, but I know I can’t.

I want to die alone in a climbing accident, although i don’t actively seek it out.

I lost my virginity when I was 8 to a babysitter.

I’m attracted to girls but I also like to stick things up my butt. I want to get fucked up the ass and I’d probably suck a dick, but yet the idea of kissing a guy seems gross. I don’t see any reason to ever tell my friends this because it would just gross them out and I’ll never have a boyfriend.

Many times I have the urge to run off into the woods and never come back. I imagine it would be peaceful being cut off from society. I’m not sure what the reality would be for sure, but as a fantasy it always calms me.

I really want a big, stupid, frivolous, money-wasting wedding. This will never happen because I’m not that stupid, they’re too stressful, not worth the money, and… biggest point, I have no friends to invite.

I’m a runner, and sometimes I fantasize about getting hit by a car while I’m running. I’d live, of course, but I’d walk around with a cast for a while and have a totally badass story to tell and everyone would be so impressed. My inner attention whore thinks that would be kind of awesome.

I secretly enjoy hearing about bad things happening in the news, the worse the better. I would like to see modern society fall apart.

Whenever I’m talking to someone in person I always ask myself “What would they do if I punched them in the face?” I know I would never really punch someone in the face, unless they deserved it, which is the weird part.